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For those unaccustomed to flying to and from Israel, a first experience of air travel in the presence of a predominately Jewish clientele can be something of a shock to the system. So, here's something of a 'heads up' of what you might expect.

I consider myself to be a fairly worldly sort of a guy and have experienced air travel and enjoyed uplifting conversations in the company of passengers on airlines as varied as Finnair, Pakistan Airlines, Royal Jordanian, Indonesia's Garuda Airlines and even Ryanair!

As almost certainly the only Jew amongst more than 300 Muslims on a flight from Jakarta to Kuala Lumpur, (it's funny, I couldn't find any sign of an ElAL flight on that route!) I was left 'stranded' when en masse nearly everyone headed to the rear of the plane shortly after take-off to say a prayer in the direction of Mecca! It was a little strange being one of only two or three non-Muslim passengers on board and I remained seated whilst prayers took place. I was more concerned though about the jet listing to one side and only being able to go round in a circle due to uneven weight distribution, than I was about being the only Jew on the journey.

The exodus to pray was however an orderly affair, and the return to seats was carried out with the minimum of fuss and just in time for the arrival of one of the best vegetable curries I've ever had!

Contrast this with the embarrassing shenanigans of passengers on ElAl, Jet2, EasyJet, British Airways or any of the many other carriers plying the route to Tel Aviv. If you've never endured the palaver, then let me briefly guide you through what to expect.

Without wanting to sound overtly prejudiced against the ultra-Orthodox or Haredi Jewish communities, the overwhelming majority of the problems encountered seem to stem from the fact that most followers of these sects have a built-in system for ignoring each and every instruction given by the captain and crew. Simple tasks like sitting in your seat for take-off, or stowing overhead luggage seem beyond the understanding of the vast majority.

Much of the difficulty (in my opinion) comes from the fact that the 'Men in Black' seem to get away with a far greater hand luggage allowance than most secular people, almost always as a result of insisting on carrying on one or more hat boxes that overfill the on-board luggage sections in moments.

Given a choice between finding the most desirable place to stow your black hat or missing your take-off slot because of a refusal to sit down and then having to experience a two-hour delay, these people invariably seem to believe that finding a place for their hat is far more important. It is no exaggeration that there have been a number of occasions when I, and a number of passengers like me, have almost come to blows with people refusing to sit down and who repeatedly ignore the pilots pleas.

When eventually you do manage to get away, it's only a question of time before the seat-belt sign goes off and the 'grand walkabout' begins. Seemingly everyone wearing a black hat or black kippa (the religious women are rarely as troublesome) seem to want to head off and collect in groups of 10 or more in the middle of the aisle, almost always barring entrance to one of the trolley dollies who are trying to bring me my lunch.

I often feel pretty sorry for myself at this point, but I feel particularly sorry for the air crew on the budget airlines who even under normal circumstances have to work very hard in cramped conditions. Their task is made nearly impossible by the roaming throng, and I'm sad to report that I have witnessed numerous incidents when they have been on the point of screaming to be noticed.

On one Thomsons flight to Manchester a couple of years ago I happened to overhear two attendants (whilst warming up the breakfast omelettes), agreeing that they would never volunteer for the Tel Aviv run again and that they intended to make sure that none of their friends "got lumbered with the booby prize route". Most Thomson flights I ever took were virtually full, so I was particularly surprised when they pulled out of the Israel line. Could it possibly be that their staff had had enough of the customers?

Imagine the impossible task they faced trying to dish out kosher meals to allocated seat numbers when the occupants had decided to play musical chairs and had given no notice as to where they had gone, only later to complain that they hadn't been served their food?

I know I'm not the only one out there that finds flying to and from Israel an ordeal. If it wasn't for the fact that Israel is such a fascinating and enjoyable place to visit, I'm sure there'd be many people prepared to look elsewhere after enduring the travails of the organised chaos that is flying to the 'Holy Land'. I must admit though to having found a way to minimize the potential stress and shame I often feel, and that is to fly on Fridays, Saturdays or Jewish festivals, when most religious people are not present.

This is a solution that I personally am happy with, but not one that I am pleased to have had to reach, as we are but a small nation whose people really should try and stand together. There are times though when you simply have to raise your hands and accept, if not defeat, then solutions that make life a little more bearable.

I'm afraid that I give Easyjet (the new boys on the block), not much more than 2 years before they go the same way as Thomsons, BMI and others, who choose to fly to other less stressful and traumatic destinations.

Let me know of your experiences via the comments link at the top of this blog.
 


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