Dear Mr Cameron,

First, I would like to belatedly congratulate you on your success at the General Election in May and on your efforts to provide stable and good government for the people of the United Kingdom through your coalition with the Liberal Democrats.

It can’t be easy being the Prime Minister at the moment at a time when you are having to bring in austerity measures that are going to hit your people very hard indeed over the next five years - at least. I fully understand your need to reach out to as many people as possible in a bid to appease the financial hardship that will come to pass in the near future, and also your attempts to establish yourself as a pivotal figure on the international diplomatic stage.

Though you constantly deny it (and ‘methinks he doth protest too much‘), I am absolutely certain that there is a high foreheaded determination on your part to be nothing less than the equal of a certain PM Blair, whose mannerisms and style of verbal communication you so uncannily resemble. Certainly Mr Blair made some errors of foreign policy, but to the best of my recollection he didn’t manage to brush up so many people the wrong way in the manner you have achieved in such a short space of time.

That was a bit of a howler wasn’t it, suggesting that Britain was the junior partner to the US in 1940 during WWII, of course a year before the Yanks even joined the war effort and long after Britain stood alone against Germany during the Battle of Britain. You certainly scored a shocker of an own goal there. I see you’ve managed to alienate Pakistan as well, just at a critical time when it is essential for US, British and other intelligence services to maintain the best of relations with the fragile Muslim democracy, in the quest to limit the effects of international terrorism. But not to worry, at least in fawning over the Indians you’ll manage to conclude business deals with the emerging giant that will doubtless cost more British jobs not very far down the line.

And then there was your recent visit to Turkey, about whom your praise was nauseatingly gushing as you stood shoulder to shoulder with PM Erdogan. Remember Dave, Erdogan is the man behind the oppression of the Kurds in the east of his country and a heartfelt supporter of the IHH, the terrorist inclined organization who duped the peace campaigners heading to Gaza last month and inserted known Islamic militants into their midst. Allying yourself so closely with a man who has reached out to Syria and Iran as his two new best friends in the region could be a very dangerous game to play. Mother always told me that if you play with fire you are likely to get burned. We’re having a whip round here to get you a pair of asbestos gloves!

And your comments on Gaza being a “prison camp”. In handing the Turkish leader such a gift of a PR gem you might have ensured your suitcase home was filled with Turkish delight, but you have enraged not only Israel, but a surprising number of other countries around the globe. If Gaza is a “prison camp” as you so subtly describe it, then it would only be fair to say that Hamas are the most evil of prison camp guards. All the suffering and misery brought upon the people of that tiny coastal strip falls squarely at the feet of their own terrorist leadership.

Dave, you seem to have forgotten that Israel unilaterally left Gaza in 2005 as a magnanimous peace gesture, only to find that the volley of missiles and rockets increased dramatically once they had withdrawn. Far from Hamas, (who went to commit the mass murder of their political rivals Fatah in the territory during the following year), accepting the move as a way to a genuine two-state solution, they even more vehemently insisted that that there would only peace in the region if Israel was destroyed and the Jews driven into the sea.

I notice that your Foreign Secretary William Hague, a man who has taken at great deal of time over the years to genuinely familiarize himself with the nuances of the region and who has a genuinely pragmatic view of the way forward in the Middle East, has failed to come out with the same type of rhetoric as your good self. I’d suggest that maybe a crash course on how to tread a successful diplomatic course in this area would do you the world of good.

Or maybe, you were just grandstanding to your coalition partners the Liberals, a party whose only thinly veiled anti-Israeli (and some might suggest in the light of dear Jenny Tong’s comments not so very long ago, anti-Semitic leanings), have been well documented. Maybe dear old ’Cleggie’ had a word in your ear before you departed for Ankara and suggested, ‘Listen Dave, whenever you get the chance, put the boot into Israel ’cos we’ve got to keep these Muslim chappies on side. Wouldn’t want any trouble over here, if you know what I mean.’

And then, having made a bit of an arse of yourself one way or another whilst on your Grand Tour, you find that Cleggie’s been stitching you up in your absence, suggesting you misled your own party in the frenetic negotiations to form a coalition government a couple of months ago and sold out your own colleagues.

If you want my advice Mr Prime Minister, concentrate a good deal more on problems in your own back yard, problems you have some inkling of how to deal with them, and leave maters that you clearly haven’t given enough thought to professional diplomats and negotiators who understand the genuine sentiments on the ground.

PS. I don’t suppose you caught the grand launch of Gaza’s first new hi-tech shopping mall last week . Looks lovely - for a prison camp!

　

　

　

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